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    Humor - continued 2nd thread

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    Carol
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    Re: Humor - continued 2nd thread

    Post  Carol on Mon Jun 01, 2015 10:20 am


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlATOHGj9EY
    German Language Compared to other Languages

    "The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".

    In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the"k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

    There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

    In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

    By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

    After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen ve vil tak over ze world!"


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    Re: Humor - continued 2nd thread

    Post  JesterTerrestrial on Tue Jun 02, 2015 10:18 pm

    zip it up JT


    Last edited by Carol on Tue Jun 02, 2015 10:53 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : These are not funny.. offensive comes to mind.)
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    Re: Humor - continued 2nd thread

    Post  B.B.Baghor on Wed Jun 03, 2015 6:05 am

    Carol wrote:

    "The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted
    a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".

    Whistle

    After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen ve vil tak over ze world!"

    Lolerz Thubs Up

    After ze sixz yer, I can now pictur myself standing on Glastonbury Tor hil and sing "ze hils are aliv wiz music",
    wit a magical vibe to it. So zat no trubl or difilultis aris from a nonsensical gibberish atempt to rule ze world a 2nd time.


    Zat game wil be over by zen Cheerful
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    Re: Humor - continued 2nd thread

    Post  Carol on Sat Jun 06, 2015 12:06 pm



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    Re: Humor - continued 2nd thread

    Post  Carol on Tue Jun 23, 2015 9:56 am

    THE NEW ANT and the Grasshopper,

    Two Versions:
    The ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER


    This one is a little different....
    Two Different Versions ...
    Two Different Morals

    OLD VERSION

    The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

    The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

    Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

    The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

    MORAL OF THE OLD STORY:

    Be responsible for yourself!


    MODERN VERSION

    The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

    The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

    Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving..

    CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, NPR, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
    America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

    How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

    Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green ...'

    “Occupy the Anthill” stages a demonstration in front of the ant's
    house where the news stations film the SEIU group singing, We shall overcome.

    Then Rev Al Sharpton's assistant has the group kneel down to pray for the grasshopper while he damns the ants. The Reverend Al cannot attend as he has contractual commitments to appear on his MSNBC show for which he is paid over two million dollars a year to complain that rich people do not care.

    President Obama condemns the ant and blames President Bush 43,
    President Bush 41, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the Pope for the grasshopper's plight..

    Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview on The View that the ant has
    gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

    Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

    The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government Green Czar and given to the grasshopper .

    The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn’t maintain it.

    The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.

    The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the ramshackle, once prosperous and peaceful, neighborhood.

    The entire Nation collapses bringing the rest of the free world with it.

    MORAL OF THE STORY:

    Be careful how you vote in 2016.


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    Re: Humor - continued 2nd thread

    Post  Carol on Tue Jun 23, 2015 9:56 am

    TEXTING

    Dear Keith :
             
           I'm sorry. I've been riddled with guilt and I
    have to confess. I have been helping myself to your wife when you're not
    around, probably more than you. I know it's no excuse, but I don't get it at
    home. I can't live with the guilt any longer. I hope you'll accept my sincerest
    apology. It won't happen again.
             
           The neighbor, feeling outrage and betrayed, grabs his gun goes into
    the bedroom and without a word shoots his wife.
             
           Moments later he gets a second text:
     
           Damn, I really should use spell check! That should be "wifi"...
    Sorry!


    Last edited by Carol on Wed Jul 22, 2015 11:31 pm; edited 1 time in total


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    Re: Humor - continued 2nd thread

    Post  Carol on Tue Jun 23, 2015 9:57 am

    LAUGHTER IS THE BEST WAY TO START THE WEEK !

    A pastor concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles.
    While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new Bibles that had never been opened and distributed.

    So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the Bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church.

    Jack, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task.

    The minister knew that Jack and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some Bibles. But, he had serious doubts about Louie who was a local farmer, who had always kept to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment.

    Poor Louie stuttered badly. But, not wanting to discourage Louie, the minister decided to let him try anyway.

    He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked with Bibles. He asked them to meet with him and report the results of their door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday.
    Anxious to find out how successful they were, the minister immediately asked Jack, "Well, Jack, how did you make out selling our Bibles last week?"

    Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Jack replied, "Using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 Bibles, and here's the $200 I collected on behalf of the church."

    "Fine job, Jack!" The minister said, vigorously shaking his hand..."You are indeed a fine salesman and the church is indebted to you."

    Turning to Paul, "And Paul, how many Bibles did you sell for the church last week?"

    Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied, 'I am a professional salesman. I sold 28 Bibles on behalf of the church, and here's $280 I collected.'

    The minister responded, "That's absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a professional salesman and the church is indebted to you."

    Apprehensively, the minister turned to Louie and said, "And Louie, did you manage to sell any Bibles last week?" Louie silently offered the minister a large envelope.

    The minister opened it and counted the contents. "What is this?" the minister exclaimed. "Louie, there's $3200 in here! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 Bibles for the church, door to door, in just one week?"

    Louie just nodded.

    "That's impossible!" both Jack and Paul said in unison. "We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many Bibles as we could."

    "Yes, this does seem unlikely," the minister agreed. "I think you'd better explain how you managed to accomplish this, Louie."

    Louie shrugged.. "I-I-I re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure," he stammered.

    Impatiently, Peter interrupted. "For crying out loud, Louie, just tell us what you said to them when they answered the door!"

    "A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was," Louis replied, "W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this B-B-B-B-Bible f-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks---o-o-o-or--- wo-wo-wouldyo-you j-j-j-just l-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to y-y-you?"


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    Re: Humor - continued 2nd thread

    Post  Carol on Wed Jun 24, 2015 3:17 pm

    A nun lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.

    "What troubles you, Sister?" asks the Mother Superior.

    "I thought this was the day you spent with your family."

    "It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with my brother.
    We try to play golf as often as we can.
    You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ."

    "I seem to recall that," the Mother Superior agreed.

    "So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?"

    "Far from it," snorted the Sister.

    "In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!"

    "Goodness, Sister!" gasped the Mother Superior, astonished.

    "You must tell me all about it!"

    "Well, we were on the fifth tee... and this hole is a monster 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made.. And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted... and it hits a bird in mid-flight not 100 yards off the tee!"

    "Oh my!" commiserated the Mother. "How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme, Sister!"

    "No, that wasn't it," admitted Sister.

    "While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!"

    "Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!" sympathised Mother.

    "But I didn't, Mother Superior!" sobbed the Sister.

    "And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in its paws!"

    "So that's when you cursed," said the Mother with a knowing smile.

    "Nope, that wasn't it either," cried the Sister, anguished, "because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped it right there on the green, and the ball popped out of its paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!"

    Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said..."You missed the f*$#ing putt, didn't you?"


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    Re: Humor - continued 2nd thread

    Post  B.B.Baghor on Wed Jun 24, 2015 3:55 pm

    Lolerz Ha ha, mother superior falling from her pedestal. I like that, Carol Toast Thank you for this LOL
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    Re: Humor - continued 2nd thread

    Post  Carol on Fri Jul 03, 2015 10:29 am

    For those of my generation who do not really comprehend why Facebook exists.

    PRESENTLY, I AM TRYING TO MAKE FRIENDS OUTSIDE OF FACEBOOK WHILE APPLYING THE SAME PRINCIPLES. THEREFORE EVERY DAY, I GO DOWN THE STREET AND TELL ALL WHO PASS BY WHAT I HAVE EATEN, HOW I FEEL, WHAT I HAVE DONE THE NIGHT BEFORE, AND WHAT I WILL DO AFTER. I GIVE THEM PICTURES OF MY FAMILY, MY DOG AND ME GARDENING AND SPENDING TIME IN MY POOL.

    I ALSO LISTEN TO THEIR CONVERSATIONS AND I TELL THEM I LOVE THEM.

    AND IT WORKS!! I ALREADY HAVE 3 PERSONS FOLLOWING ME -- 2 POLICE OFFICERS AND A PSYCHIATRIST.


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    Re: Humor - continued 2nd thread

    Post  Carol on Sat Jul 04, 2015 2:10 pm

    A young couple moves into a new neighborhood. The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside. "That laundry is not very clean; she doesn't know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap."

    Her husband looks on, remaining silent. Every time her neighbor hangs her wash to dry, the young woman makes the same comments. A month later, the woman is surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and says to her husband: "Look, she's finally learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this? "

    The husband replies, "I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows." And so it is with life... What we see when watching others depends on the clarity of the window through which we look.
    AMEN!!!
    xoxo



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    Re: Humor - continued 2nd thread

    Post  Carol on Sat Jul 04, 2015 2:17 pm

    There's a lesson in this.

    Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
    boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

    I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back;
    now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

    My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

    And that's how the fight started...


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    Re: Humor - continued 2nd thread

    Post  Carol on Tue Jul 07, 2015 10:01 am

    The Lone Ranger and Tonto were camping in the wilderness. After they got their tent set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says,"'Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"

    The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."

    "What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

    The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically-speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time-wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Tonto?"

    "You dumber than buffalo... It mean someone stole tent."


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    Re: Humor - continued 2nd thread

    Post  Carol on Wed Jul 08, 2015 1:51 pm

    A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Miller beer and puts it in their cart.

    “What do you think you're doing?” asks the wife. “They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans”, he replies.

    “Put them back, it's a waste of money”, demands the wife, and so he does and they carry on shopping.

    A few aisles further on along, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

    “What do you think you're doing?” asks the husband... "It's my face cream, it makes me look beautiful,” replies the wife.

    Her husband retorts: “So does 24 cans of Miller and it's half the price....”

    HUSBAND DOWN, AISLE 7 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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    Re: Humor - continued 2nd thread

    Post  Carol on Wed Jul 08, 2015 3:12 pm

    One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well that the farmer had accidentally left uncovered. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway, so it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

    He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

    A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

    As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

    Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

    Now, most people think that's the end, but it isn't.

    The donkey later came back and bit the hell out of the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected, and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.

    So the real moral from today's lesson?

    When you do something wrong and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.


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    Russian ABBA Parody Mocks Swedish War Paranoia. Funny

    Post  enemyofNWO on Thu Jul 09, 2015 10:50 am

    Russian ABBA Parody Mocks Swedish War Paranoia. Funny

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFjX0cOh1dg
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    Re: Humor - continued 2nd thread

    Post  Carol on Thu Jul 16, 2015 12:06 pm

    A SUCCESSFUL LAWYER

    A very successful American lawyer parked his brand new Porsche 911 Turbo in
    front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.As he was getting out,
    a truck came barreling down the road, drifted right
    and completely tore off the driver's door.

    Fortunately, a cop was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind
    the now door-less Porsche with his lights flashing.

    Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started
    screaming hysterically about how his precious Porsche, which
    he had just purchased the day before, was completely ruined and no matter
    how any car body shop tried to make it new again, it would
    never be the same.

    Being an lawyer, he was going to sue the truck driver, his employer and even
    the driver´s education teacher!

    After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in
    disbelief. " I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are!" he said.

    "You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important
    things in life."

    "How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

    The cop replied, "Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It
    was severed when the truck hit you!"

    "Oh sh**!" screamed the lawyer. . .

    "My Rolex!"


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    Re: Humor - continued 2nd thread

    Post  bobhardee on Thu Jul 16, 2015 9:04 pm

    7/16/2015

    Humor for the day:
    Why Men Wear Earrings


    Did you ever wonder why earrings became so popular with men?

    A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring . The man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."

    The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."

    "Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.

    His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to ask, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"

    Ever since my wife found it in the truck.

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    Re: Humor - continued 2nd thread

    Post  Carol on Wed Jul 22, 2015 11:30 pm

    The post turtle

    While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old rancher whose hand was caught in the squeeze gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Obama and his role as our president. The old rancher said, 'Well, ya know, Obama is a 'Post Turtle''.

    Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him, what a 'post turtle' was.

    The old rancher said, 'When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle'. The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain."

    "You know he didn't get up there by himself; he doesn't belong up there; he doesn't know what to do while he's up there; he's elevated beyond his ability to function; and you just wonder what kind of dumb ass put him up there to begin with."


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    Re: Humor - continued 2nd thread

    Post  bobhardee on Thu Jul 23, 2015 7:06 am

    7/22/2015


    A gun story


    A guy walked into a crowded bar, waving his Unholstered pistol and yelled, "I have a .45 Colt with an eight shot magazine, and I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife."

    A voice from the back of the room called out, "You don't have enough ammo!"
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    Re: Humor - continued 2nd thread

    Post  Carol on Wed Aug 12, 2015 4:28 pm

    Dear Abby,

    My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning,
    and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse,
    everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating.

    Also, since he lost his job 14 years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one.

    All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and
    shoot the bull with his buddies, while I have to work to pay the bills.

    Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me, and even hints that I may be a lesbian.
    What should I do?

    Signed: Clueless

    Dear Clueless:
    Grow up and dump him. You don't need him anymore! Good grief woman, you're running for President of the United States.


    Last edited by Carol on Tue Aug 18, 2015 2:42 pm; edited 1 time in total


    _________________
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    It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.

    With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
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    Carol
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    Re: Humor - continued 2nd thread

    Post  Carol on Sat Aug 15, 2015 11:40 am

    Love this Japanese Doctor!

    Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
    A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

    Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
    A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Fruit very good. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Grain good too. Bottom up!

    Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
    A: Can't think of one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!

    Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
    A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?

    Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
    A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

    Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
    A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.

    Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
    A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
    ell... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.


    For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

    1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
    2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
    3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
    4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
    5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.

    CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.


    Last edited by Carol on Sat Aug 15, 2015 3:27 pm; edited 1 time in total


    _________________
    What is life?
    It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.

    With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
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    Carol
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    Re: Humor - continued 2nd thread

    Post  Carol on Sat Aug 15, 2015 12:02 pm

    Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbor & decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally.
    One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.

    As they were jumping over the gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big bag but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough in the bag.

    Few minutes later, a drunkard on his way from a bar, passed near the cemetery gate & heard a voice saying: "One For Me, One For U, One For Me, One For U".....

    He immediately sobered up & ran as fast as he could to a church nearby, for the priest.......................

    "Father, please come with me . Come & witness God & satan sharing corpses at the cemetery"......

    They both ran back to the cemetery gate & the voice continued: "One For Me, One For U, One For Me, One For U'............

    Suddenly, the voice stopped counting & said:
    "What About The Two At The Gate?"...........

    You should see the marathon.........

    The priest almost ran pass the church gate shouting:"We Are Not Dead Yet oohh!!!".


    _________________
    What is life?
    It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.

    With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
    avatar
    Carol
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    Re: Humor - continued 2nd thread

    Post  Carol on Sat Aug 15, 2015 2:44 pm



    _________________
    What is life?
    It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.

    With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
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    B.B.Baghor

    Posts : 1851
    Join date : 2014-01-31
    Age : 66
    Location : Druid county UK

    Re: Humor - continued 2nd thread

    Post  B.B.Baghor on Sat Aug 15, 2015 3:03 pm

    In the center of the village where I live now, there's a Bramly apple tree in fruition and the apples are almost ready to pick.
    Some branches of the tree hang over the wall and people walk along that wall in a narrow lane .
    This week I passed by and found a note, made by computer and printed with a skull and bones image,
    saying "Please, don't pick our cooking apples, we're trying to wean our dog from eating human flesh!"



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    Re: Humor - continued 2nd thread

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