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    How has everyone been doing lately ?

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    HigherLove

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    Re: How has everyone been doing lately ?

    Post  HigherLove on Wed Nov 23, 2011 11:59 pm

    Me again.

    I should have known -- my ruling planet and the planet of communication is in retrograde. I have mentioned this before. I do not know this stuff in advance, but every time communication gets whacky, I can trace it to Mercury. I think I will start planning accordingly.

    http://www.astrologycom.com/mercret.html

    I have not read it yet. That is a bookmark for later, but I have been down this path. I already know. Virgo/Wood Snake.
    ___________________________________

    The music was much needed. When I had mortgages, I would come home and dance for a few hours, every night. What a great meditation.

    DVD player + speakers + youtube + playlist = living room DJ (not stepping on Tranco's turf, here).

    ___________________________________

    A journal?

    Do I write about the female pedophile who nearly killed me?

    Do I write about not wanting to go home for the holidays because my father tries to have sex with me?

    I know. These things are best kept private. Mercury is on its way out. I should just shut up. :op

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    HigherLove

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    Re: How has everyone been doing lately ?

    Post  HigherLove on Thu Nov 24, 2011 12:58 am

    Just so nobody freaks out: I have sought and am utilizing professional help. I have lost count of the number of therapists in my life.

    I do not know how to say this, but I guess I forgot: my dad's side of the family is tied to freemasonry.

    I asked him about it once, before I had read about the illuminati. He just looked at me and said that he had gone to some meetings, and that, "It is deep". That is all he said, but he shot me an odd, sideways glance when he said it.

    HOBERG'S RESORT

    Back to my "remembering who I am thread"...

    ...all of the ritualistically weird stuff

    I had paranormal abilities as a child

    I could travel to other places by just closing my eyes and concentrating.

    That awful movie about a serial killer that was filmed there just came out.

    I am getting flooded with information. Some things are coming back, and some things I just cannot seem to get at...as if I am having memories of acts coordinated to break my spirit, over time.

    I am not in a crisis, but my peak experience is live before you.

    There must be a lot of love inside of me to be targeted so relentlessly.

    Another memory: my dad is a distant relative of Ford or Bush...I will have to ask, but my sister just texted me and asked me to come and get her tomorrow when my dad is gone. He is being verbally abusive to his wife.

    What the F***???????????????

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    Carol
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    Re: How has everyone been doing lately ?

    Post  Carol on Thu Nov 24, 2011 2:13 am

    Well you can share what you wish. It's okay with me but let's face it. My life is pretty much an open book. Having a mind probe by ETs left me with no corner within to hide in. Being fully exposed is somewhat liberating because one learns life goes on and continues to unfold. Right now I've been fantasizing how to do away with my elder brother who tried to drown me when I was around 12 or 13. Sad to say ill will between us continues to this day - many years later. He enjoy messing with people. Aside from his really being a criminal where all the woman in his life would like to rip his throat out, I'd say you and I have rich background of experiences with dysfunctional family systems. Almost all of my friends say my dysfunctional family beats their out - but in reality Troy - only 4% of families from the reports I read are considered functional. We're in the majority. Crazy Happy

    I confess I did do the journal writing when dealing with divorce #2. I had met Ira Progroff and took his workshops. I now have notebooks filled where i poured out my anguish and would like to burn them if I can ever find them. I can't even begin to go into what that relationship entailed. Marriage #1 was no picnic either. It took a lot of failed relationships to learn what makes a successful relationship and keep it going. And even though husband #3 and I have been together 30 years plus, it still isn't long enough. Even 60 years isn't long enough because when one is with the right person a lifetime isn't long enough. And when one is with the wrong person, one day is a lifetime.

    Just know this. A good relationship is mutually enriching.


    Paranormal abilities as a child can be triggered by a number of things. Family genetics, trauma, ET among some on the list. Disassociation is pretty common with sexual, physical or ritualistic abuse. And the statistics show that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually molested as children. It's easy for this type of invasion to affect one's personality where boundaries and hyper-vigilance become prominent life issues. Becoming a warrior and owning one's personal power is part of the path of healing.

    Screaming into pillows is also cathartic when attempting to externalize internalize pain. However, I knew this one person who go a bit carried away with screaming without the pillow and just let loose when she had her little temper fits. I think that was training for the daughter we ended up with. Multiple melt-downs during the day where we had to wrap her in a sheet so she wouldn't hurt herself was a way of life for a few years. Now, at age 15 she's an A student and written 3 books. So the light at the end of her tunnel was not a freight train but instead a very brilliant gifted mind.

    I think all of our members have amazing life stories. Listening to individual people's stories was and is a privilege and a gift. Real life experiences are amazing and also a testament to the courage it take to be a human being on this planet in these times. I salute the 96%. cheers


    P.S. Mercury retrograde is the time when it's good to deal with unfinished business and not start new things. I ran into one man in the Sweet Wind shop who was moaning about how bad this retrograde is going to be. I decided then and there to get all of the Christmas shopping completed before the retrograde. Only a couple of things left on the list. Everyone else gets cookies.


    _________________
    What is life?
    It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.

    With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
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    HigherLove

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    Re: How has everyone been doing lately ?

    Post  HigherLove on Thu Nov 24, 2011 6:15 am

    Carol wrote:Well you can share what you wish. It's okay with me but let's face it. My life is pretty much an open book. Having a mind probe by ETs left me with no corner within to hide in. Being fully exposed is somewhat liberating because one learns life goes on and continues to unfold. Right now I've been fantasizing how to do away with my elder brother who tried to drown me when I was around 12 or 13. Sad to say ill will between us continues to this day - many years later. He enjoy messing with people. Aside from his really being a criminal where all the woman in his life would like to rip his throat out, I'd say you and I have rich background of experiences with dysfunctional family systems. Almost all of my friends say my dysfunctional family beats their out - but in reality Troy - only 4% of families from the reports I read are considered functional. We're in the majority. Crazy Happy

    I confess I did do the journal writing when dealing with divorce #2. I had met Ira Progroff and took his workshops. I now have notebooks filled where i poured out my anguish and would like to burn them if I can ever find them. I can't even begin to go into what that relationship entailed. Marriage #1 was no picnic either. It took a lot of failed relationships to learn what makes a successful relationship and keep it going. And even though husband #3 and I have been together 30 years plus, it still isn't long enough. Even 60 years isn't long enough because when one is with the right person a lifetime isn't long enough. And when one is with the wrong person, one day is a lifetime.

    Just know this. A good relationship is mutually enriching.


    Paranormal abilities as a child can be triggered by a number of things. Family genetics, trauma, ET among some on the list. Disassociation is pretty common with sexual, physical or ritualistic abuse. And the statistics show that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually molested as children. It's easy for this type of invasion to affect one's personality where boundaries and hyper-vigilance become prominent life issues. Becoming a warrior and owning one's personal power is part of the path of healing.

    Screaming into pillows is also cathartic when attempting to externalize internalize pain. However, I knew this one person who go a bit carried away with screaming without the pillow and just let loose when she had her little temper fits. I think that was training for the daughter we ended up with. Multiple melt-downs during the day where we had to wrap her in a sheet so she wouldn't hurt herself was a way of life for a few years. Now, at age 15 she's an A student and written 3 books. So the light at the end of her tunnel was not a freight train but instead a very brilliant gifted mind.

    I think all of our members have amazing life stories. Listening to individual people's stories was and is a privilege and a gift. Real life experiences are amazing and also a testament to the courage it take to be a human being on this planet in these times. I salute the 96%. cheers


    P.S. Mercury retrograde is the time when it's good to deal with unfinished business and not start new things. I ran into one man in the Sweet Wind shop who was moaning about how bad this retrograde is going to be. I decided then and there to get all of the Christmas shopping completed before the retrograde. Only a couple of things left on the list. Everyone else gets cookies.

    Thanks again.

    There is much here to which I would like to respond. I am only doing this now because some coffee sounded good a while ago. Now I am just waiting for the caffeine to wear off.

    I did want to clarify for anybody who might think it: I was a gay child, first. I have known almost my whole life (since about 5). Hypervigilance is quite common for gay kids (it's hard for people to envision that, because so many people associate gay with sex, and their minds start going where the kids have never been).

    For the research behind all of this, I suggest anybody start with: www.joekort.com

    As Dr. Kort notes in his work, "we" were "little gay spies", and we absorbed everything everybody said.

    And kudos to you...I think you have come almost as close to a diagnosis as my psychiatrist (gulp--here I go):

    1. Generalized anxiety disorder
    2. Social Phobia
    3. Intermittent agoraphobia
    4. Possible bipolar disorder or cyclothymia
    (Think about it: I could not stop sleeping for two weeks -- I woke up more than 24 hours ago and I have been going, ever since). I feel exhausted, yet I am fighting the urge to go and workout.

    _______
    Meds:

    Cymbalta, 90 mg./day (going up to max dose of 120 mg. in a couple of weeks and they are considering adding another SSRI)

    Clonazepam, 2 mg. up to three times/day, as needed (before the Cymbalta I took up to 6/day)

    Some sleeping pill that did not work, so I don't take it

    Medicinal cannabis
    _______

    We used to joke at work about all of the medications we all had to take in order to be there for our clients. But they were not the cause of my stress. It was the office culture. They did not like our clients in the building, but we were supposed to be all about clients.

    Maintaining boundaries with clients is so much easier than with coworkers or family. Nutbar

    My clients would never guess there was ever anything going on with me (well, now they are concerned). I have to abide by the Code of Ethics, but forget the license.

    The group I was running for women will continue on. They are going to meet independently of anything going on with my former employer. I can at least take pleasure in knowing Spirit used me to bring together a group of isolated women who grew to adore and look after one another.

    _________________

    Part of me is also shedding the new age stuff that I took on when I thought I was shedding religion.

    I appreciate the stories of others, and by no means do I think I have the corner of the market for suffering...just two days ago someone from high school told me they are dealing with the same thing.

    I had it drilled in my head to always think positive, pray in the affirmative (Science of Mind/Religious Science)...as much good as "they" have done, I don't think Louise L. Hay gets out of bed every morning looking like a photoshopped book cover. :op

    There is always more to say, and perhaps that is a weakness.

    This thread has been like looking into a mirror that reveals the truth of the beholder in front. Difficult.

    In gratitude...

    _____________________________________________________________________________________________

    SPEAKING OF GRIEVING -


    The second year anniversary of the death of my best friend is coming up.

    Gregg is supposed to be back that day. I swear Dan sent him to me, because Gregg is the only person on Earth who was able to make me believe in dreams, again. Gregg is the best...


    Daniel B. Davis
    December 22, 1965 - November 30, 2009


    Dan and Donna Summer; August, 2008 (Chicago)
    Post 5-rounds of radiation and 5-rounds of chemo


    January 2009 -- the last time I saw him / took his picture


    Huh...Thanksgiving is the last holiday I spent with my mother before she went on life support.




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    Carol
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    Re: How has everyone been doing lately ?

    Post  Carol on Thu Nov 24, 2011 9:16 pm

    You may want to check out www.roshi.com Their neuro biofeedback equipment creates the brain waves of a zen monk, clears up depression, kicks the brain back into a normal sleep cycle and helps to stabilize emotions. Something that does work amitriptyline helps get the sleep cycle back on track and a good daily dose of Vitamin B complex is very good to reduce stress. In fact we get the royal jelly gel caps from www.Swansonsvitamins.com at a very good rate. Our daughter use to pop those like M&Ms and they really helped calm her down.

    I tend to avoid drugs and use non-invasive treatment modalities. Drug side effects can be worse then the chemical imbalance. And stress (PTS) often creates a bio-chemical imbalance which affects moods, sleep patterns, invasive negative thoughts, etc. Having used the roshi for many years we can attest to its effectiveness. This particular system has flashing light glasses that trigger the brain wave patterns and helps the brain heal and rewire itself. Surprisingly, caffeine (we use tea) helps calm an over-stimulated ADHD mind as well and increases the ability to concentrate.

    I usually can have someone up and going in a few weeks with the right treatment which also includes energy and body work. However, it often takes longer for them to stabilize where they can recreate a lifestyle change that is conducive to a state of inner calm.

    I have learned this along the way. Avoiding toxic people along with toxic situations is a positive plus.


    _________________
    What is life?
    It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.

    With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
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    HigherLove

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    Re: How has everyone been doing lately ?

    Post  HigherLove on Fri Nov 25, 2011 10:55 am

    I will be looking into this at some point.

    I have been on various medications since the age of 25.

    Writing that post was the most difficult thing I have had to do, in terms of stigma. It makes the stigma of my romantic/affectional orientation a cake walk (I do not even know what the expression means -- it would be easier to use the word "easier".

    Thank you Mother Nature. I feel good today. Sleep pattern stabilized. Still need to work on the spaghetti recipe. It knocked out several people. That was not the point.

    Over the years the best combination for focus for me has been clonazepam + caffeine. It does not surprise me that caffeine works, and I have reviewed this in my studies.

    Interesting side effect of the Cymbalta: No more migraines. NONE. I have been free of them for months, now.

    Is this the game: zap me with EMFs, and then give me something for EMF

    The truth is I did not want to be on anti-depressants. I had tried at least 5 of them, with horrible side effects. I started the Cymbalta because my psychiatrist said the clonazepam dose I was on was unacceptable. The only way she would agree to continue to prescribe for me is if I take the Cymbalta. I had to, because it is the only one of its kind that is targeted specifically for generalized anxiety disorder. Of course, the Cymbalta is really expensive and the clonazepam is REALLY cheap.

    My psychiatrist retired a couple of years ago. He had known me as a professional first, so it was easy to go to him. He saw my heart and he trusted me. He once said he wished all of his patients could be as judicious with their medications as I am. But over the years, "as needed" became daily. I could not be around people without visibly shaking with panic.

    No sexual side effeX with the Cymbalta, but all of the others made me a eunick. :op

    Oh -- back to the stigma matter-

    I was fortunate as an undergraduate at Sonoma State to have Dr. Robert Slagle (Neuroscience, UC Berkeley) as my professor for an 12-unit immersion course in "Neurosicence and Physiological Psychology". He was also a co-professor for the 12-unit immersion course in "Advanced Research Design & Analysis". www.sonoma.edu

    Anyhow, he is the one who helped me get over the stigma of taking medications. He told me I was a very bright man and that he was certain I would know how to leave out any information that might prevent them from treating me. Props to the man for what he did for my quality of life. His classes just about killed us, and I had to take one of them twice, because I fell apart under the pressure.

    Do I want to take medications forever? No. Part of my therapy was learning to accept that it was okay to be on medication, and that it did not mean I was weak, or "flawed".

    But I know there is so much more. I am open. Some of this will take some time to arrange.

    Right now I need the support of my sister and Gregg to step me through the process of getting some medical coverage (my health insurance expires at the end of the month -- all quite odd when I had been asking for a break from work so that I would not fall apart). They sort of let me go during a period of time when I made it known that I was going to apply for Family Medical Leave.

    I also know that environment is key.

    If I can secure some benefits long enough to avail myself of geographical therapy, or therapy that was available in another area, I will do so.

    My sister may be in a serious relationship soon. Nether Gregg nor I have employment ties (it's amazing what he can do on the side; his unemployment benefits ran out -- not much work for a bench carpenter). Regardless, I see all of this as a time for amazing opportunities.

    I would still like a proper, supervised ayahuasca journey. I am just not sure it is a good idea with the medication I take. It could feel like I was gone for years.

    I do fantasize about there being a retreat where I can detoxify, and TOTALLY heal.

    Both my symptoms and the treatment impede the process of "going within".

    I live in a great place, but I know Gregg and I need a place of our own, soon. My nephew just got out of prison again. He is in a mandatory treatment program, but he gets time away, and his surprise appearances have also added to my stress (he has tried to kill my sister/his mother on more than one occasion).

    In the meantime...I have the blessed Mists.

    I do not have to be afraid to say that I am scared.

    _______________________________

    DONNA SUMMER - BREATH OF HEAVEN

    It's the feeling of the song. I regard the words as metaphor.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7dN-H2kHXRc

    PEACE, LOVE AND GRATITUDE
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    Carol
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    Re: How has everyone been doing lately ?

    Post  Carol on Fri Nov 25, 2011 2:26 pm

    Mists ia amazing.

    My husband's son and my son from our first marriages are schizophrenic. Both manifested with schizophrenic breakdowns around age 21. Ironically each of their breakdowns were triggered over the ending of a relationship. We took each of them in after their breaks and initial hospitalization and helped them get back on their feet. And this is where we see the advantage of medication over self-medication.

    Son number one now uses alcohol, caffeine and nicotine to self-medicate in his attempts to manage his paranoia and hallucinations. He refuses help and is isolated from everyone including family.

    I screened son number 2s psychiatrists and was able to get him to go to someone who was also very adept at spiritual matters. Son number 2 is a Buddhist now living at a monastery and taking meds. His life is almost normal and he is in a very supportive environment.

    Both son's had difficulty with the whole medication route. The meds made son number one physically ill and he never found the right meeds that worked for him. After awhile he was just unwilling to try anything.

    Son number 2 went through a number of different meds before finding a balance and what worked for him.


    Next topic, weed. Weed can also have a number of side effects including mood swings, psychological/emotional addiction, robs one of ambition where focus is on flights of fancy of what ifs then concrete "implement the plan." I personally advocate weed primarily for cancer patients dealing with physical pain and lack of appetite. I will add this. My husband was addicted to weed when we first met. I also saw how under the influence weed affects judgment and over long-terms impairs the emotional balance when one begins to think they "need" weed and when off is prone to wide mood swings. In our situation I just let him know at the onset that it was either the weed or me. He was livid but that was the way it as far as I was concerned. Afterwards, he confessed he chose wisely.


    _________________
    What is life?
    It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.

    With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
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    HigherLove

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    Re: How has everyone been doing lately ?

    Post  HigherLove on Fri Nov 25, 2011 3:25 pm

    I hope this makes it through. It's the AT&T game -- the connection here is bad. One time their solution to make it more stable was to slow it down. It's just a problem with line, and they shipped us a faster DSL modem (one block away from cable - lol). It does work faster. When it works.

    I have seen the double-edge of marijuana, and it is even more relevant since it no longer resembles a weed very much at all.

    I have quit for several years, several times.

    And what did you say about giving ultimatums in new relationships? Wink

    Gregg does not mind.

    In 2000, after graduate school, my mom's death, and nearly four years into a relationship that was just too vanilla (uh, boring in certain aspects), I chose the marijuana and left him.

    While I did not use it during graduate school, I used it a lot as an undergraduate (with the exception of neuroscience and anything involving statistics). I found that I tended to get A's, one way or the other.

    I do realize it has other effects, such as increasing social anxiety. It's a paradox.

    My psychiatrist is aware of it, and it was helpful to her in diagnosing the depression.

    The last time I went to a doctor he almost refused to prescribe it, because my blood pressure was high. He said that it raises the blood pressure for about 1-2 hours after smoking. Then he asked for $170.00, and wrote the letter. So add something I forgot: Lisinopril, 10 mg./day for high blood pressure.

    Anyhow, all of that to end up saying that I am open to quitting.

    It's only the first few days that are difficult.

    I had best post this before I loose my connection, again. I still want to converse about your sons...

    Oh: thanks for the reminder that now was a good time to deal with unfinished business. While the internet was down, I remembered that is why I have an iPhone (just have not used it for all it can do). I was able to wish Lee a belated Happy Thanksgiving.
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    Carol
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    Re: How has everyone been doing lately ?

    Post  Carol on Fri Nov 25, 2011 4:14 pm

    My husband is in the medical profession and had no business being under the influence while working. That was impairment of judgement. Then I watched him go into a rage while driving when someone cut him off on the freeway and he did a car chase shaking his fist at the offender with me sitting next to him. I told him I'd rather stand in the middle of the freeway. That was the effect of a mood swing. As husband # 1 was an alcoholic and husband number #2 (who was a physician) experimented with drugs I had already made up my mind I would not live in that type of situation again. It's one thing to self-medicate to get over an emotional hump and quite another to following along the path of addiction. The relationship was new enough that it would be easy to walk away if that was what I needed to do in order to have a sane life.

    Your situation is different. I'd up the vitamin B complex and Vitamin D3. From what I've seen with patients over the years, getting the brains bio-chemistry on track is really key to keeping balanced when dealing with emotional stress.

    This is one of the best books I've read and really should be required reading for anyone in the helping professions.

    Change Your Brain, Change Your Life: The Breakthrough Program for Conquering Anxiety, Depression, Obsessiveness, Anger, and Impulsiveness by Daniel G. Amen
    http://www.amazon.com/Change-Your-Brain-Life-Obsessiveness/dp/0812929985/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1322259355&sr=8-1

    BRAIN PRESCRIPTIONS THAT REALLY WORK
    In this breakthrough bestseller, you'll see scientific evidence that your anxiety, depression, anger, obsessiveness, or impulsiveness could be related to how specific structures in your brain work. You're not stuck with the brain you're born with. Here are just a few of neuropsychiatrist Dr. Daniel Amen's surprising--and effective--"brain prescriptions" that can help heal your brain and change your life:
    To Quell Anxiety and Panic:
    ¸ Use simple breathing techniques to immediately calm inner turmoil
    To Fight Depression:
    ¸ Learn how to kill ANTs (automatic negative thoughts)
    To Curb Anger:
    ¸ Follow the Amen anti-anger diet and learn the nutrients that calm rage
    To Conquer Impulsiveness and Learn to Focus:
    ¸ Develop total focus with the "One-Page Miracle"
    To Stop Obsessive Worrying:
    ¸ Follow the "get unstuck" writing exercise and learn other problem-solving exercises

    You can pick up a used copy from amazon for $1.87


    _________________
    What is life?
    It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.

    With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
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    HigherLove

    Posts : 2357
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    Re: How has everyone been doing lately ?

    Post  HigherLove on Sat Nov 26, 2011 10:02 am

    Carol wrote:My husband is in the medical profession and had no business being under the influence while working. That was impairment of judgement. Then I watched him go into a rage while driving when someone cut him off on the freeway and he did a car chase shaking his fist at the offender with me sitting next to him. I told him I'd rather stand in the middle of the freeway. That was the effect of a mood swing. As husband # 1 was an alcoholic and husband number #2 (who was a physician) experimented with drugs I had already made up my mind I would not live in that type of situation again. It's one thing to self-medicate to get over an emotional hump and quite another to following along the path of addiction. The relationship was new enough that it would be easy to walk away if that was what I needed to do in order to have a sane life.

    Your situation is different. I'd up the vitamin B complex and Vitamin D3. From what I've seen with patients over the years, getting the brains bio-chemistry on track is really key to keeping balanced when dealing with emotional stress.

    This is one of the best books I've read and really should be required reading for anyone in the helping professions.

    Change Your Brain, Change Your Life: The Breakthrough Program for Conquering Anxiety, Depression, Obsessiveness, Anger, and Impulsiveness by Daniel G. Amen
    http://www.amazon.com/Change-Your-Brain-Life-Obsessiveness/dp/0812929985/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1322259355&sr=8-1

    BRAIN PRESCRIPTIONS THAT REALLY WORK
    In this breakthrough bestseller, you'll see scientific evidence that your anxiety, depression, anger, obsessiveness, or impulsiveness could be related to how specific structures in your brain work. You're not stuck with the brain you're born with. Here are just a few of neuropsychiatrist Dr. Daniel Amen's surprising--and effective--"brain prescriptions" that can help heal your brain and change your life:
    To Quell Anxiety and Panic:
    ¸ Use simple breathing techniques to immediately calm inner turmoil
    To Fight Depression:
    ¸ Learn how to kill ANTs (automatic negative thoughts)
    To Curb Anger:
    ¸ Follow the Amen anti-anger diet and learn the nutrients that calm rage
    To Conquer Impulsiveness and Learn to Focus:
    ¸ Develop total focus with the "One-Page Miracle"
    To Stop Obsessive Worrying:
    ¸ Follow the "get unstuck" writing exercise and learn other problem-solving exercises

    You can pick up a used copy from amazon for $1.87

    The Karen

    That one was for you, Carol.

    The Karen

    That one is for Brook


    I have a long way to go (maybe?), but some healing has already taken place.

    This thread may very well have saved me from shooting my own self in the foot in regard to my relationship.

    Carol: I think it is time to try letting go of the pot, again. I just need to see how I can do without it. I will wait until Gregg gets back, however.

    I thank you for helping me to be able to focus more Gregg's needs and less on my own.

    I thank you for still holding me accountable for things that are within my power to change.

    I thank you for sharing your experiences. It took a while to sink in, but I awoke this morning realizing that you had "normalized" my experience. And you did it publicly. I am not a freak. "It" is inevitable in this polarized, 3-D world of ours.

    ______________________________________

    Oh: I have sort of entered journal mode. My apologies if I go off topic, but it is hard to compartmentalize "how I am doing".

    _______________________________________

    AVATAR MEANINGS:




    Now seems as good a time as any to speak to a couple of things about my avatar that I learned after I chose it. It would not be appropriate to discuss it in the avatar meaning thread, as it seems to be a comfortable place where visitors and new members may visit before getting too deep.

    Edit: what am I talking about? This forum is the red pill...once done it is done. One of those all or nothing situations?

    Posting before losing internet connection again, then will go on. I am not trying to keep my posts in the top 10. lol


    __________________________________________
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    Brook

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    Re: How has everyone been doing lately ?

    Post  Brook on Sat Nov 26, 2011 11:07 am




    That one is for Brook


    Troy,

    I'm truly sorry I brought this to the forum by inviting Horus here. The first time I thought it was a mistake and he wormed out of it so well....this time it was truly deliberate. I was totally unaware of this side of him. Had I known I would never have suggested it. I'm truly embarrassed and don't know what else to say except forgive me. This in something I will not tolerate.....I never have. It has no place in society and I hope in our future.

    Thank you for the heart

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    HigherLove

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    Re: How has everyone been doing lately ?

    Post  HigherLove on Sat Nov 26, 2011 11:35 am

    Brook wrote:



    That one is for Brook


    Troy,

    I'm truly sorry I brought this to the forum by inviting Horus here. The first time I thought it was a mistake and he wormed out of it so well....this time it was truly deliberate. I was totally unaware of this side of him. Had I known I would never have suggested it. I'm truly embarrassed and don't know what else to say except forgive me. This in something I will not tolerate.....I never have. It has no place in society and I hope in our future.

    Thank you for the heart


    No worries, Brook. There is great love and wisdom in you. Your mind just blows mine away, and your articulate expression is....well, just let me say that I would not want to get on your bad side. lol

    I saw Horus for what he was from the beginning. It has to do with my avatar and the 180 degree turnaround.

    I also had a dream 2 nights ago where I was Tom Cruise in Minority Report, showing Horus that I could see through the chaotic images.

    I wrote about that and my avatar for about an hour and forgot to save my work. When I submitted it, I received an error message.

    So, I am sorting through what to do with all of that. Indeed, I was wondering if I should PM you with this information. I want to know more about validation.

    Your web site is lovely, btw.
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    Carol
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    Re: How has everyone been doing lately ?

    Post  Carol on Sat Nov 26, 2011 11:40 am

    You're welcome Troy. Just remember that it is the telling of ones story with a non-judgmental witness present is where healing takes place. The goal is to recognize how one got derailed, grieve for what happened, grieve for what could have happened if things moved in the right direction, develop discernment and compassion for oneself, get creative and re-invent a new 'healthy' direction to move in. Victim of circumstances = Survivor = Thriver

    Brook. Please don't be too hard on yourself. You are not responsible for what Horus does or says. Perhaps a little more discernment regarding his emotional/mental state of mind may have helped, or not. The point being it's just time to put this experience in the past and let it go. One thing I learned a long time ago is that wherever one goes, one has to take oneself with him or her. Horus has never recovered from the anger and grief he carries inside of himself - hence the emotional out bursts. Nor has he truly accepted all aspects of self - including that we are bi-sexual beings. Many folks never get to this understanding. Loving someone has numerous manifestations. It's how love is expressed that is the clue to someone's spiritual development.

    To all of the twin flames. Hadriel


    _________________
    What is life?
    It is the flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.

    With deepest respect ~ Aloha & Mahalo, Carol
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    Re: How has everyone been doing lately ?

    Post  Brook on Sat Nov 26, 2011 11:50 am

    HigherLove wrote:
    Brook wrote:



    That one is for Brook


    Troy,

    I'm truly sorry I brought this to the forum by inviting Horus here. The first time I thought it was a mistake and he wormed out of it so well....this time it was truly deliberate. I was totally unaware of this side of him. Had I known I would never have suggested it. I'm truly embarrassed and don't know what else to say except forgive me. This in something I will not tolerate.....I never have. It has no place in society and I hope in our future.

    Thank you for the heart


    No worries, Brook. There is great love and wisdom in you. Your mind just blows mine away, and your articulate expression is....well, just let me say that I would not want to get on your bad side. lol

    I saw Horus for what he was from the beginning. It has to do with my avatar and the 180 degree turnaround.

    I also had a dream 2 nights ago where I was Tom Cruise in Minority Report, showing Horus that I could see through the chaotic images.

    I wrote about that and my avatar for about an hour and forgot to save my work. When I submitted it, I received an error message.

    So, I am sorting through what to do with all of that. Indeed, I was wondering if I should PM you with this information. I want to know more about validation.

    Your web site is lovely, btw.

    Sure ....PM me...I'd be interested in hearing your insights on this. As for validations....well.....I suppose I could start up my thread again....and post it there for you. Wink It's actually quite easy to do....and it works if you pay close attention.

    Glad you liked my site...I've let it go as I was working on a project about Flu shots so there is a PDF there for the team I was working with. I could not figure out how to post a pdf...LOL
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    Brook

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    Re: How has everyone been doing lately ?

    Post  Brook on Sat Nov 26, 2011 11:54 am

    Carol wrote:You're welcome Troy. Just remember that it is the telling of ones story with a non-judgmental witness present is where healing takes place. The goal is to recognize how one got derailed, grieve for what happened, grieve for what could have happened if things moved in the right direction, develop discernment and compassion for oneself, get creative and re-invent a new 'healthy' direction to move in. Victim of circumstances = Survivor = Thriver

    Brook. Please don't be too hard on yourself. You are not responsible for what Horus does or says. Perhaps a little more discernment regarding his emotional/mental state of mind may have helped, or not. The point being it's just time to put this experience in the past and let it go. One thing I learned a long time ago is that wherever one goes, one has to take oneself with him or her. Horus has never recovered from the anger and grief he carries inside of himself - hence the emotional out bursts. Nor has he truly accepted all aspects of self - including that we are bi-sexual beings. Many folks never get to this understanding. Loving someone has numerous manifestations. It's how love is expressed that is the clue to someone's spiritual development.

    To all of the twin flames.

    Yes.....there is much truth in what you have said...I realize this. Which reminds me of what my mother always used to tell me as a child....."you cannot truly love anybody until you love yourself". While some may think that may have been the case to the extreme......I see it lacking in the afore mentioned development. I just wish nobody had to witness such display.

    Thanks Carol
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    Re: How has everyone been doing lately ?

    Post  HigherLove on Sat Nov 26, 2011 12:15 pm

    I take no joy in the pain that Horus feels. Knowing something would happen and enjoying it are two different things. I am past it. As I noted long ago in the Lady GaGa thread, "I knew it". I cannot truly hate someone in that kind of pain. Indeed, regardless of what we feel, how can anybody "truly" hate anything, be they a child of love?

    This was not just about me/us. It was for any of the Gay/Lesbian/Bi children who might...just might stumble upon this, and in turn, stumble. My god...this man raised a child?

    Okay. Let it go.

    What happened over the last couple of days was that a lot of information fell into place for me very quickly, on many levels. So while I have moved on from this, it has been a catalyst for major insight that now propels me forward.

    At the moment, this is about what I just experienced and the work that Brook has been producing.

    And should David Wilcock ever browse through here: Even the law of one is filtered via 3-D.

    Peace. I am psychically burned out, and it turns out I have been going within this entire time.

    Crazy Happy

    knock knock neo...

    albino

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    Brook

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    Re: How has everyone been doing lately ?

    Post  Brook on Sat Nov 26, 2011 12:34 pm

    HigherLove wrote:I take no joy in the pain that Horus feels. Knowing something would happen and enjoying it are two different things. I am past it. As I noted long ago in the Lady GaGa thread, "I knew it". I cannot truly hate someone in that kind of pain. Indeed, regardless of what we feel, how can anybody "truly" hate anything, be they a child of love?

    This was not just about me/us. It was for any of the Gay/Lesbian/Bi children who might...just might stumble upon this, and in turn, stumble. My god...this man raised a child?

    Okay. Let it go.

    What happened over the last couple of days was that a lot of information fell into place for me very quickly, on many levels. So while I have moved on from this, it has been a catalyst for major insight that now propels me forward.

    At the moment, this is about what I just experienced and the work that Brook has been producing.

    And should David Wilcock ever browse through here: Even the law of one is filtered via 3-D.

    Peace. I am psychically burned out, and it turns out I have been going within this entire time.



    knock knock neo...

    albino


    Well just to let you know.....his angry energy woke me from a sound sleep at 5:30 in the AM! I knew it was him and checked the board.

    To say I was furious was an understatement!

    So most of what you saw me write was coming form my heart. My heart you say? YEP! My heart...even with the anger it carried I was speaking from the heart. As my heart does not tolerate this. I lived in Los Angeles...and had many good friends who were not only gay but highly spiritually developed people. With more strength in character than this so called GOD. Perhaps I'll finish the REAL story of Horus on my thread as well so you can truly understand why I see this a bit differently. I may just lay the hammer down.

    speaking of my friends....I have two friends that are a lesbian couple. Who could not get married and suffered as a result....financially that is...there was some trouble in that department. I helped them with that as I was into finance at the time. But one was a nurse the other was LAPD....and this woman had more guts then most men I know.....I honored that. And so should we all. It takes real courage to face the hard streets of Los Angeles as a police officer in the "hood".

    Wrath of GOD my foot!

    But in no way will I just sit back and watch such a display. Not in my character....anyone who knows me knows this. I speak up! When I see injustice or malice as I did today....I go ballistic.

    So I understand your tiresome concern with this display (5:30 AM whew!) and I not only agree....I believe it needs to be reckoned with. Brought to the table and peeled to the core. This is not our problem but his own. And a problem that unfortunate exists in society. Perhaps it's time to bring it to him in a way where he will understand his own undoing.....because it's not our undoing but his.

    I meant every word I posted....he will not ascend with that mindset...NEVER! I took no joy either.....it was a tough go.

    edit to add....I know Carol you would have handled it much differently and more gently......that's because your an Angelic...and I'm a damned Egyptian! LOL
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    Re: How has everyone been doing lately ?

    Post  HigherLove on Sat Nov 26, 2011 1:21 pm

    Oh, Brook. Your last sentence just made me bust a gut. It reminds me of a woman who told her u.s. american husband: "I will not just kill you. I will you, dead. I am Egyptian. I know what dead means".

    How long do you think it would take for me to get up to speed? i.e. how many hours of posts do I need to read before I can ask an intelligent question?

    Anyhow, it was my intention to take a break, but a couple of things. One old, one new:

    1. Gregg and I are really close right now. I felt it yesterday. I was filled with a sense of security and peace with he and I.

    2. We just spoke on the phone. He came out to his family, and they are not taking it well. He's having a bit of a rough go. He had no idea, but this is something I felt from my own family, so long ago.

    Isn't the timing amazing? Or did Horus just wait until he thought I was vulnerable?

    Carol I love you so much, but there could be some mileage in this trip, yet. :op

    Silver-linings abound.

    Please send love to my partner.

    :)
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    Re: How has everyone been doing lately ?

    Post  Brook on Sat Nov 26, 2011 1:45 pm

    Very Happy Troy...that was funny! I'll will you dead...I know what dead means. ROTF!

    As for affairs of the heart....Carol give the best advise ever! Me....I've gone through too many relationships....only to finally give up...18 years later...here comes Lionhawk! And I'm enamored! That's because we have a past...a very loooooooooooooong past. A twin flame past. Otherwise I'd be stuck alone in Los Angeles. My kids are there...but no mate.

    AS for Hours having the insight to foresee this...nah! sorry to say he's far to self absorbed in his own relationship with Natalie Woods...she's dead you know.

    What happened to good old 3D responsibility??.... Which reminds me of one of my blogs.....read it when you get some time....

    http://paradiseandroses.wordpress.com/2011/02/12/street-of-what-if/


    so anyway....I failed miserably in relationships as I was carrying my dead husband beside me energetically....true fact. I had to let him go. IT was very emotional.....and as a result I wrote this thread...he was the one who told me "Avanti"....

    http://www.projectavalon.net/forum/showthread.php?t=17816

    But I never revealed it until now...... it was quite a release. btw...my late husband was Italian. A good release but very emotional. I could not have encouraged and had a good relationship otherwise with Lionhawk if I had not let him go. He was more that ready too. The "blue flames" is where I said good bye to him...and he told me if I ever needed him to meet him there.

    You can btw ask any question you wish....if I have the answer I'll share it...if I don't I'll let you know. I'm not a prophet by a long shot.....but I do have an inside track Wink And with it I carry the flower of life. That's a big deal...and one I don't take lightly in all my joking around.....I earned it a long time ago. Which is an honor I don't take lightly either.


    Last edited by Brook on Sat Nov 26, 2011 2:12 pm; edited 1 time in total
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    Re: How has everyone been doing lately ?

    Post  Brook on Sat Nov 26, 2011 1:56 pm

    Oh...just a side note...I don't promote Anna Hayes....it was just some interesting material in that thread that was brought out in her stuff.

    I in fact think one needs to say far apart from her work.

    Oh yeah..and despite what Horus thinks.....I'm just Brook....no more than no less than.... And I am here to concur this 3D despite the mind games....and some kind of druid dude lifting the vale....whoa!!!!!!!!




    Last edited by Brook on Sat Nov 26, 2011 2:09 pm; edited 2 times in total
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    Re: How has everyone been doing lately ?

    Post  mudra on Sat Nov 26, 2011 2:01 pm

    I love the way this thread is going .
    Taking care of one another... heart to heart.
    For me Love is a way to discover
    who we really are.
    " Because I Love I Am ". I like that :)
    Thank You for all the Love that you are my friends.
    It's simple , it's precious , it's beautifull too.

    The Karen

    Love for You all
    mudra
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    Re: How has everyone been doing lately ?

    Post  HigherLove on Sat Nov 26, 2011 2:14 pm

    Been talking to Gregg a bit. He thinks his brother doesn't know, or he would corner him. Then he says he has to go, because his brother wants to sit with him at their father's grave.

    Brook - I have not read your links yet, but wanted you to know that at the time you were posting, Gregg was sharing his experience with me, and "John Lennon" popped into my head. I posted "Imagine" to his wall while we were on the phone. Then his brother called him and I checked back here.

    jocolor


    ???????????????????????

    ______________________________________________

    Thank you, Mudra

    Enlightened


    The Karen

    ______________________________________________



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    Brook

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    Re: How has everyone been doing lately ?

    Post  Brook on Sat Nov 26, 2011 2:16 pm

    Don't you just love those connections? Now that's a validation! Wink

    Take your time on the links...no big deal...just sharing. Very Happy
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    HigherLove

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    Re: How has everyone been doing lately ?

    Post  HigherLove on Sat Nov 26, 2011 2:44 pm

    Ha!

    Just kicked off the net again. I had to log in even though the welcome screen said I was here. With my post frequency, I don't need to sign out. I just need an idle button.

    I love it when ATT&T thanks me for "choosing" them as their provider when there are no other choices.

    and some kind of druid dude lifting the vale

    Insanely Happy

    I have no idea who I am, but whoever I am seems to keep perpetuating itself.

    Mercury!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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    Re: How has everyone been doing lately ?

    Post  Brook on Sat Nov 26, 2011 2:55 pm

    Fist and foremost....your TROY! revel in that! It's a good thing you know Wink

    Then when the time is right you'll know the past to adhere to the present and zoooooommmmmmm Your off like a bullet!

    You will call upon yourself.... no joke!

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    Re: How has everyone been doing lately ?

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